tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-180559762024-03-18T21:39:10.275-07:00Chucks MusingsMoody Techie MusingsNitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.comBlogger120125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-75451913469612621332015-10-04T18:22:00.001-07:002015-10-04T18:24:01.464-07:00Wisdom x 77 Rules From A Wise Journalist<ul><li>Never run, when you can <b>walk</b>.</li>
<li>Never walk, when you can <b>ride</b>.</li>
<li>Never stand, when you can <b>sit</b>.</li>
<li>Never refuse an offer of <b>food</b> or <b>drink</b>.</li>
<li>Always do your <b>laundry</b>, when you get a chance.</li>
<li>Never pass a <b>bathroom</b>, without going in.</li></ul>When you pass 60, #7 becomes relevant.Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-22563434065244003252015-09-06T14:12:00.000-07:002015-09-06T14:20:37.999-07:00Can You Build A Light Bulb?One of the problems with which I constantly struggle is that many Blogger features (and other Internet services) require services and techniques that are beyond the ability of many people to understand.<br />
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How would you explain a computer, to Thomas Edison?<br />
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How would you explain the Internet, to Socrates?<br />
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Could you (or I) build a light bulb? Even a simple incandescent bulb (which many US governments have seen fit to make illegal), let alone an LED device contains material - and requires technique - which is not found in many homes.<br />
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Every day, I have some angry person accusing me of assaulting him with "techno babble", or being condescending, or rudely forcing him to read my "geek speak".<br />
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There are sociolegal organisations, in the USA, who will castrate you for using a certain word (starts with "n") in public, yet people think nothing of making fun of technical helpers by using terms like "gobble de gook" when describing the language in <a href="http://productforums.google.com/forum/?hl=en&fromgroups=#!categories/blogger/how-do-i" target="_blank">Blogger Help Forum: Learn More About Blogger</a>.<br />
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When you purchase an automobile, does the owners manual contain instructions for rebuilding the motor? If you're lucky, it will instruct you on how to replace the "spark plugs" (if your auto uses such). You pay substantially extra, for a comprehensive "owners" service manual - and even that contains no instruction on how the motor works.<br />
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Since I don't know your friends, I have no idea what language you will need, to explain to them how to set cookie filters properly. All that I can do is try to present you with the proper references, that help point you in the right direction, so you may understand. Or at least, so you may set yours properly.<br />
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I'll help you, by examining technical details of what you write, based on what you've learned. But you, since you know your audience, have to convert the "tech savvy" language into "audience speak".Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-57362528403837636922015-08-30T10:11:00.000-07:002015-08-30T10:23:52.892-07:00So, how much is this thing, anyway?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNo60iOcQ4jR0CpcnI2ttMs6GVmTGcsCtRrpQNvnsKMQlh0mgpMx2HhuMQ6VAzOH9YDZYh10mxGAc2N2KMu620rQUHm8alQDqPHBJcAlOsJsb4TN40ziqryz4b5MQxAC0liDg5/s1600/So+how+much+is+this+thing+anyway.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNo60iOcQ4jR0CpcnI2ttMs6GVmTGcsCtRrpQNvnsKMQlh0mgpMx2HhuMQ6VAzOH9YDZYh10mxGAc2N2KMu620rQUHm8alQDqPHBJcAlOsJsb4TN40ziqryz4b5MQxAC0liDg5/s320/So+how+much+is+this+thing+anyway.png" /></a><br />
Over and over and over and over. And over and over and over and over.<br clear=left /><br />
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<span style="text-align: center; display: block;"><object height="350" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3kz7_g5cU6w"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3kz7_g5cU6w" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="samedomain" height="350" width="425"></embed></param></object></span><span style="text-align: center; display: block;">»<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/3kz7_g5cU6w" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/v/3kz7_g5cU6w</a></span><br />
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This is a forum question which makes me cry, sometimes, when asked over and over and over and over and over.<ul><li>Why doesn't my custom domain work?</li>
<li>Why was my blog terminated by Blogger?</li>
<li>How do I recover access to my blog after I dropped my phone in the toilet?</li>
</ul>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-67848622864503240222015-07-10T12:21:00.000-07:002015-08-30T10:49:57.296-07:00Hurl Peas<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEippFSXIrXJMD-_fB0ggtLzKwh-9GJloc0jaZ1ewAWkg8tRmmwUMzZU1CuaWbVWNAOJ6CFCzLnJAmy33krsg7aN0axgLnusjDgLFw8fONN9qtI2ScdjUrdeiU0TmXs_xZwaRbcW/s1600/Produce+Sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEippFSXIrXJMD-_fB0ggtLzKwh-9GJloc0jaZ1ewAWkg8tRmmwUMzZU1CuaWbVWNAOJ6CFCzLnJAmy33krsg7aN0axgLnusjDgLFw8fONN9qtI2ScdjUrdeiU0TmXs_xZwaRbcW/s320/Produce+Sign.jpg" /></a>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-41104505862840705842015-02-17T09:01:00.002-08:002015-02-17T09:03:33.090-08:00Management Vs Reality <br />
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, <blockquote>Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.</blockquote><br />
The woman below replied,<blockquote>You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.</blockquote><br />
<blockquote>You must be an engineer,</blockquote>said the balloonist.<blockquote>I am,</blockquote>replied the woman,<blockquote>How did you know?</blockquote><br />
<blockquote>Well,</blockquote>answered the balloonist,<blockquote>everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip.</blockquote><br />
The woman below responded,<blockquote>You must be in Management.</blockquote><blockquote>I am,</blockquote>replied the balloonist, <blockquote>but how did you know?</blockquote><br />
<blockquote>Well,</blockquote>said the woman,<blockquote>you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.</blockquote>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-76994389694704831522014-08-11T18:54:00.001-07:002015-08-30T10:26:33.132-07:00He Is Now Finding Out, First Hand, What Dreams May ComeOne of my favourite films about the afterlife, the 1998 American fantasy drama film, <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120889/" target="_blank">What Dreams May Come</a></i>, starred Robin Williams as Chris Neilsen, a New York doctor who died from an odd after effect of an auto accident.<br />
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The story involved his wife Annie, who took her own life, following her husband's death - and Chris's long trip into various areas of heaven, to find her, and bring her back. The observation here is that people who commit suicide are impossible to contact, in the afterlife, because they are locked into a prison of their own self pity.<br />
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This film was not well treated by the various critics who reviewed it. Personally, I found it very meaningful and moving.<blockquote>I forgive you ... For being so wonderful a guy would choose hell over heaven just to be around you.</blockquote>Chris says to Annie after he finds her.<br />
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One can only hope that Robin Williams is finding <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/11/showbiz/robin-williams-dead/" target="_blank">a more enjoyable after life</a> than what was portrayed in the film, for suicide victims. His survivors are not finding this a pleasant experience - as would be expected.<br />
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My prayers go to all of his family and friends.<br />
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Suicide <a href="http://actionallianceforsuicideprevention.org/priorities" target="_blank">is (should be) preventable</a>.Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-38860344131802925802013-12-07T09:33:00.000-08:002015-09-30T16:56:20.684-07:00Everybody Makes MistakesAlexander Pope <a href="http://www.quotecounterquote.com/2010/12/to-err-is-human-to-forgive-divine.html" target="_blank">said it best</a>.<blockquote>To err is human; to forgive, divine.</blockquote><br />
Some people survive their mistakes - <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/@34.453335,-118.579017,3a,75y,90t/data=!3m8!1e2!3m6!1s100083153!2e1!3e10!6s%2F%2Fstorage.googleapis.com%2Fstatic.panoramio.com%2Fphotos%2Fsmall%2F100083153.jpg!7i959!8i664" target="_blank">others do not</a>.<br />
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One week ago, two self styled adrenaline junkies made <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/paul-walker-dies-crash-report-article-1.1533786" target="_blank">a fatal mistake</a>.<blockquote>Him and his buddy, his brother in arms at heart, just decided to joyride, take a spin. Something we all do.</blockquote><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP2mEgj3aoqF58dLUfJHHssUo-QC8SFb3uoSWwJZHzpgsXyzuqrDkZ12Yl2EDpnp0gZ38F0sjqQTeiv_v0FDlfwKC3PpMN3VvzaWKXPOX8KZCixOnhhGqqL3Ih9DdESpdJA6ih/s1600/Paul+Walker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP2mEgj3aoqF58dLUfJHHssUo-QC8SFb3uoSWwJZHzpgsXyzuqrDkZ12Yl2EDpnp0gZ38F0sjqQTeiv_v0FDlfwKC3PpMN3VvzaWKXPOX8KZCixOnhhGqqL3Ih9DdESpdJA6ih/s320/Paul+Walker.jpg" /></a><br />
The aftermath of the mistake.<br clear=left /><br />
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There are various descriptions of <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/12/01/paul-walker-how-he-ended-up-in-death-car-roger-rodas-porsche-carrera-gt/" target="_blank">the fatal car crash</a> which took the lives of Roger Rojas and Paul Walker - with different possible causes casually implied.<br />
<ul><li>A coyote or other wildlife, causing a distraction.</li>
<li>Porsche failure, to notify all owners of that Carrera GT model, that the car may be too unstable for many drivers to handle, safely.</li>
<li>Steering or other mechanical failure.</li>
</ul><br />
I've only seen one mention, though, of the primary reason why the destruction was so massive. This was <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/11/30/paul-walker-dead-dies-car-accident-fatal-fire-crash/">suggested by the police</a>.<blockquote>Cops say speed clearly played a major factor in the accident, but an exact cause has not been determined yet.</blockquote>Looking at the remains, in the above photo, one can only conclude the obvious.<blockquote>Speed was the primary factor, in causing that level of destruction.</blockquote><br />
How many recognized professional race car drivers will even <b>drive a $500,000 race car on public streets</b> - let alone try to diagnose a problem with the car stalling, by "taking a spin" in the neighborhood? Roger's reputation as a race driver notwithstanding, he exhibited <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2013/12/03/paul-walker-death-car-porsche-memo-warning-carrera-gt-dangerous-hazards/" target="_blank">extremely bad judgement</a> in not loading the car onto their truck, and hauling it to the nearby racetrack.<blockquote>While Rodas was known to be an experienced driver -- the Porsche document makes it clear experience isn't always enough ... if the road surface isn't ideal.<blockquote>Believe me, this vehicle cannot drive over a Foster Beer can that is lying on its side.</blockquote></blockquote><br />
The 20 minute joy ride started at Rojas’ Always Evolving Performance Motors, on <a href="https://maps.google.com/maps?q=Always+Evolving+Performance+Motors&hl=en&ll=34.449893,-118.577541&spn=0.000863,0.001321&sll=34.449893,-118.577541&sspn=0.000863,0.001321&t=h&radius=0.05&hq=Always+Evolving+Performance+Motors&z=20" target="_blank">28309 Constellation Rd</a>, and ended a couple blocks away, on <a href="https://maps.google.com/maps?ll=34.453234,-118.578931&spn=0.000461,0.00066&t=h&z=21" target="_blank">25601 Hercules St</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif8mYpt9jcpsiDM9jHvAxObqGRovC9oEn-G7PLKxgAdOQZ2iixEnR5qkRnLfYZygUq75Lidrl65YLDJWY2dt5W6I1x8GM9HdluZnGb-Rrlr7dquR6w7fx9z-MkVXxg7zQg8P2C/s1600/Screenshot+2015-09-29+at+12.44.05.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif8mYpt9jcpsiDM9jHvAxObqGRovC9oEn-G7PLKxgAdOQZ2iixEnR5qkRnLfYZygUq75Lidrl65YLDJWY2dt5W6I1x8GM9HdluZnGb-Rrlr7dquR6w7fx9z-MkVXxg7zQg8P2C/s320/Screenshot+2015-09-29+at+12.44.05.png" /></a><br />
None of this was the desert - or any otherwise desolate section of the California wilderness.<br clear=left /><br />
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Check out the various Google Map views, linked here - and ask where a 20 minute drive would take you, from <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/place/Always+Evolving/@34.449893,-118.577541,1332m/data=!3m1!1e3!4m2!3m1!1s0x80c27de199c14717:0x20c766426f4fe264!6m1!1e1?hl=en" target="_blank">the Constellation Rd starting point</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4kreTdzYCJNuqJzOXigI098GlV14bZkyeezG6G7Ljw1bOe4k2fKdAXCjTYR1_HF6VSwZWF7RYlGc__-DvIEoT_lab5Ms8WdUHQmJogc5czjUQH-ot_UhMdfY0i-LGQeiaNNd2/s1600/Screenshot+2015-09-29+at+12.31.30+-+Edited+%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4kreTdzYCJNuqJzOXigI098GlV14bZkyeezG6G7Ljw1bOe4k2fKdAXCjTYR1_HF6VSwZWF7RYlGc__-DvIEoT_lab5Ms8WdUHQmJogc5czjUQH-ot_UhMdfY0i-LGQeiaNNd2/s320/Screenshot+2015-09-29+at+12.31.30+-+Edited+%25281%2529.png" /></a><br />
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This was Suburban Los Angeles. Probably the same neighbourhoods where "Fast And Furious" class street racing was "common".<br />
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The crash site was near the northwest corner of an intriguing section of industrial park streets, formed by Constellation Road, Hercules Street, and Kelly Johnson Pkwy.<br clear=left /><br />
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From an aerial view, it looks like <a href="https://maps.google.com/maps?q=Rye+Canyon+Loop,+Santa+Clarita,+CA&hl=en&ll=34.451405,-118.579044&spn=0.01044,0.021136&sll=34.453165,-118.579248&sspn=0.00522,0.010568&oq=rye+canyon+loop&t=h&hnear=Rye+Canyon+Loop,+Santa+Clarita,+California+91355&z=16" target="_blank">a quasi oval shape</a>, vaguely similar to a race course speedway.<br />
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In the neighbourhood, one will notice a church, a school, and other possible sources of suburban weekend traffic - in addition to the event at "Always Evolving". Many of us who are techies spend many weekend hours, at companies such as <a href="http://www.superpages.com/bp/Valencia-CA/3D-Systems-L0505931101.htm" target="_blank">3D Systems</a>, listed as the occupant of <a href="https://maps.google.com/maps?ll=34.453393,-118.578915&spn=0.000461,0.00066&t=h&layer=c&cbll=34.45344,-118.578955&panoid=jK50LWrm3Zv4Yimlge9e9g&cbp=12,171.03,,0,1.92&z=21" target="_blank">25601 Hercules St</a>. Fortunately, no innocent third party victims were involved, in the destructive crash.<br />
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Casualties of the crash included:<ol><li>2 persons, Rojas and Walker.</li>
<li>One street legal race car.</li>
<li>One light pole.</li>
<li>One speed limit sign (“45 mph”).</li>
</ol>Given the circumstances, this may represent a best possible outcome.<br />
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Let us hope that the many street racing fans and participants, involved in many of Walker's movies, will learn something from this experience. Unfortunately, the <a href="http://www.ew.com/article/2015/09/28/paul-walker-wrongful-death-lawsuit?hootPostID=4be7013bfffcafe3b7bc65c22555734a" target="_blank">lawsuit, started recently by his daughter</a>, makes it appear doubtful that she has learned anything.Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-69276321726809537762013-04-16T17:20:00.000-07:002015-08-24T08:52:21.053-07:00Tech Support - College Style - The Full StoryHello Tech Support - may I help you?<br />
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<blockquote>Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my word processor program.</blockquote>[Instant voice-recognition: I know it's a particularly ditzy blonde professor with whom I have had prior dealings.]<br />
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What sort of trouble, Dr. B?<br />
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<blockquote>Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.</blockquote><br />
Went away?<br />
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<blockquote>They disappeared.</blockquote><br />
<i>And it went rapidly downhill, from there.</i><br />
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Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?<br />
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<blockquote>Nothing.</blockquote><br />
Nothing?<br />
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<blockquote>It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.</blockquote><br />
Are you still in the word processor, or did you close the window?<br />
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<blockquote>How do I tell?</blockquote><br />
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]<br />
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Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?<br />
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<blockquote>What's a sea-prompt?</blockquote><br />
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]<br />
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Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?<br />
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<blockquote>There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.</blockquote><br />
[Ah--at least she knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if she's kicked out her monitor's power plug.]<br />
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Does your monitor have a power indicator?<br />
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<blockquote>What's a monitor?</blockquote><br />
It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?<br />
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<blockquote>I don't know.</blockquote><br />
Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?<br />
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[sound of rustling and jostling]<br />
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<blockquote>[muffled] Yes, I think so.</blockquote><br />
Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.<br />
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<blockquote>[pause] Yes, it is.</blockquote><br />
[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt she would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor she has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]<br />
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When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?<br />
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<blockquote>No.</blockquote><br />
Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.<br />
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[rustle rustle]<br />
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<blockquote>[muffled] Okay, here it is.</blockquote><br />
Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.<br />
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<blockquote>[still muffled] I can't reach.</blockquote><br />
Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?<br />
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<blockquote>[clear again] No.</blockquote><br />
Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?<br />
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<blockquote>Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark.</blockquote><br />
Dark?<br />
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<blockquote>Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.</blockquote><br />
Well, turn on the office light then.<br />
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<blockquote>I can't.</blockquote><br />
No? Why not?<br />
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<blockquote>Because there's a power outage.</blockquote><br />
A p--!<br />
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[ARGH!]<br />
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This woman was good friends with my supervisor, who was also a professor (still is, matter of fact--and in addition, she's now also my wife), so I couldn't deal with her the way I really wanted to, and was forced to explain sweetly and gently to her that computers needed power just like office lights, and if the office lights were out, then the computer was too, and that yes, if she hadn't saved her work she had probably lost everything she'd done so far in the document. But I could still fantasize.<br />
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<blockquote>A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?<br />
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<blockquote>Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.</blockquote><br />
Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.<br />
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<blockquote>Really? Is it that bad?</blockquote><br />
Yes, I'm afraid it is.<br />
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<blockquote>Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?</blockquote><br />
Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!<br />
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[slam]</blockquote><br />
But that wouldn't have been a very nice thing to do, now would it?<br />
<br />
<hr />Now having posted this, I should point out several details, which you will need to know if you are reading this any time after 2005. Details are to be written. And I will give credit to this narrative, as the inspiration, to Simon Travaglia, the author of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastard_Operator_From_Hell" target="_blank">The Bastard Operator From Hell</a>.<hr />Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-17160252874342127592012-11-22T07:38:00.000-08:002012-11-22T19:40:03.215-08:00Such A Neat Way To Get Readers? Not!In another way to convince me to never read your blog or website, we see "<a href="http://codecanyon.net/item/viral-lock-like-google1-or-tweet-to-unlock/1486602" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Viral Lock - Like, Google+1 or Tweet to Unlock</a>", the latest third party viral WordPress accessory.<br />
<br />
For a fee (you pay CodeCanyon, for this privilege), you can designate a portion of your WordPress blog as protected access.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><em style="background-color: #d2d1d0; border: 0px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Simply wrap the content you want to protect with the [viral-lock] shortcode and the content will be protected until the users shares your page.</em></blockquote><br />
Your reader gets to read your wisdom, only after they vote for it - sight unseen - using Facebook, Google, or Twitter.<br />
<br />
Another reason to avoid WordPress. This is a type of spam.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><em style="background-color: #d2d1d0; border: 0px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">More likes and tweets = More money for you.</em></blockquote><br />
Riight.Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-21322866733871173132012-06-06T12:19:00.003-07:002012-06-06T12:26:39.540-07:00The Trifecta, Of My SciFi LibraryNow, <a href="http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2012/06/06/154443387/ray-bradbury-finding-our-reflections-where-we-didnt-expect-them" target="_blank">all gone</a>.<br />
<br />
Isaac Asimov - 1992.<br />
<br />
Ray Bradbury - 2012.<br />
<br />
Robert Heinlein - 1988.Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-77248436631731695382011-08-12T12:04:00.000-07:002011-08-12T12:23:31.643-07:00HummingbirdThe media are constantly pounding us with stories about the South American Rain Forest - whether it's the ecological disasters that are happening, or the indigenous people there (making most of us think of uneducated "savages").<br />
<br />
<a href="http://lougold.blogspot.com" target="_blank">Lou Gold</a> spends his life traveling through rural Brasil, and taking pictures of the country, and the people. Nowhere in his blog, that I've found, does he talk about "The Rain Forest", "savages", or the "tribal natives". He just shows you the country, and the people. You get to realise on your own, that this is the "Rain Forest", and the people there.<br />
<br />
<span style="text-align: center; display: block;"><object height="350" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fGybpOizmSU"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fGybpOizmSU" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="samedomain" height="350" width="425"></embed></param></object></span><span style="text-align: center; display: block;">»<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/fGybpOizmSU" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/v/fGybpOizmSU</a></span><br />
<br />
»<a href="http://lougold.blogspot.com/2011/08/flight-of-flower-kisser-flower-kisser.html" target="_blank">VisionShare: FLIGHT OF THE FLOWER-KISSER</a>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-88071839453888677952011-07-14T12:19:00.000-07:002011-07-14T12:19:31.114-07:00Microsoft Windows And Zen Based Error ReportingLegend has it that some computers in Japan are running a Zen like error reporting program, which issues error messages in Haiku.<br />
<br />
<ul><li>The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.</li><li>Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.</li><li>Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.</li><li>Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.</li><li>Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.</li><li>Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.</li><li>Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.</li><li>A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.</li><li>Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred?</li><li>You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here.</li><li>Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.</li><li>Having been erased, the document you're seeking must now be retyped.</li><li>Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.</li><li>Screen. Mind. Both are blank.</li></ul>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-70765932529091695952011-07-13T08:18:00.000-07:002011-07-13T08:57:03.765-07:00Manpower Optimisation - NotLast week, I went to a new restaurant, where they use real plates and metal cutlery. I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. This seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, we noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. When I looked around, I saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. Curiouser and curiouser, as Alice would have said.<br />
<br />
A little later on, the owner visited our table as he made the rounds of his patrons.<br />
<br />
"Why the spoons?" I asked when we'd shaken hands.<br />
<br />
"Well," he replied, "we hired a consultant to revamp all our processes. It was a fascinating exercise! Do you know that, after several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon is the most frequently dropped utensil. They showed us that it represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If we were better prepared, we could reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen to replace spoons, saving 15 man-hours per shift!"<br />
<br />
His logic was incredible. How simple! Carry the cutlery with you rather than going back to the kitchen. Yet I'd never seen this solution in any restaurant I'd visited. Manpower optimisation, at its simplest.<br />
<br />
While eating dessert, I dropped my spoon. The waiter immediately replaced it with his spare.<br />
<br />
"Sir, please accept this spoon. I'll get another the next time I go to the kitchen, thereby..." he thought hard, searching for the right word, "...enabling you to better enjoy your dessert."<br />
<br />
I was impressed - he'd obviously been prepared with a script but it still felt great - great service! I ate my dessert, happily.<br />
<br />
Looking around while eating, I noticed a string hanging out the waiter's fly. A quick scan of the restaurant confirmed that all the waiters also had strings, hanging from their zippers.<br />
<br />
"Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" I asked the waiter as he was about to leave our table. "Oh, certainly! Well done sir! Not everyone is so observant." He beamed at my discovery then, leaning forward conspiratorially, he lowered his voice.<br />
<br />
"We recently had some consultants come in," he said, "they were the ones who told us about the spoons. But they also worked out out that we could save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of my member, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands. This reduces the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent!"<br />
<br />
"That's amazing," I said, "but after you get it out, how do you put it back?"<br />
<br />
"They're still studying that question," he replied, "So I use the spoon."Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-83131862753865702212010-12-11T10:08:00.000-08:002013-04-16T17:24:53.335-07:00Tech Support - College StyleHello Tech Support - may I help you?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my word processor program.</blockquote>[Instant voice-recognition: I know it's a particularly ditzy blonde professor with whom I have had prior dealings.]<br />
<br />
What sort of trouble, Dr. B?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.</blockquote><br />
Went away?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>They disappeared.</blockquote><br />
<i>And it went rapidly downhill, from there.</i><br />
<br />
<i>(See <a href="http://musings.nitecruzr.net/2013/04/tech-support-college-style-full-story.html">The Full Story</a>, if you wish - since the Jump Break below may not work).</i><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Nothing.</blockquote><br />
Nothing?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.</blockquote><br />
Are you still in the word processor, or did you close the window?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>How do I tell?</blockquote><br />
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]<br />
<br />
Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>What's a sea-prompt?</blockquote><br />
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]<br />
<br />
Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.</blockquote><br />
[Ah--at least she knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if she's kicked out her monitor's power plug.]<br />
<br />
Does your monitor have a power indicator?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>What's a monitor?</blockquote><br />
It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>I don't know.</blockquote><br />
Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?<br />
<br />
[sound of rustling and jostling]<br />
<br />
<blockquote>[muffled] Yes, I think so.</blockquote><br />
Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>[pause] Yes, it is.</blockquote><br />
[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt she would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor she has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]<br />
<br />
When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>No.</blockquote><br />
Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.<br />
<br />
[rustle rustle]<br />
<br />
<blockquote>[muffled] Okay, here it is.</blockquote><br />
Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>[still muffled] I can't reach.</blockquote><br />
Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>[clear again] No.</blockquote><br />
Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark.</blockquote><br />
Dark?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.</blockquote><br />
Well, turn on the office light then.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>I can't.</blockquote><br />
No? Why not?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Because there's a power outage.</blockquote><br />
A p--!<br />
<br />
[ARGH!]<br />
<br />
This woman was good friends with my supervisor, who was also a professor (still is, matter of fact--and in addition, she's now also my wife), so I couldn't deal with her the way I really wanted to, and was forced to explain sweetly and gently to her that computers needed power just like office lights, and if the office lights were out, then the computer was too, and that yes, if she hadn't saved her work she had probably lost everything she'd done so far in the document. But I could still fantasize.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.</blockquote><br />
Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Really? Is it that bad?</blockquote><br />
Yes, I'm afraid it is.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?</blockquote><br />
Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!<br />
<br />
[slam]</blockquote><br />
But that wouldn't have been a very nice thing to do, now would it?<br />
<br />
<hr />Now having posted this, I should point out several details, which you will need to know if you are reading this any time after 2005. Details are to be written. And I will give credit to this narrative, as the inspiration, to Simon Travaglia, the author of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastard_Operator_From_Hell" target="_blank">The Bastard Operator From Hell</a>.<hr />Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-72221744798953349412010-08-17T08:16:00.000-07:002010-08-17T08:16:52.128-07:00Diagnosis And TreatmentA guy goes to the doctor, and reports pain, all over his body.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Doctor, doctor, I hurt all over!</blockquote><br />
<blockquote>If I touch my face, it hurts.</blockquote><br />
<blockquote>If I touch my chest, it hurts there too!</blockquote><br />
<blockquote>If I touch my knee, the same!</blockquote><br />
The doctor checks him out, and puts a splint on his finger.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>You have a broken finger.</blockquote>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-59888205884936658962010-06-14T16:40:00.000-07:002011-06-04T10:21:53.489-07:00Anybody Want Ice Cream?In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor - "Barocky Road".<br />
<br />
Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.<br />
<br />
<blockquote>The cost is $100.00 per scoop.</blockquote><br />
When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but after you pay for it, the ice cream is taken from the cone, and given to the person in line behind you, at no charge to them.<br />
<br />
You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-28571357745680917142010-01-28T12:34:00.000-08:002010-04-22T15:21:19.993-07:00My First Trip To New Yawk CityLong years ago, I was young and innocent.<br /><br />I had heard for years, how psychotic New Yorkers were. I vowed to never go there, because I can't stand harsh treatment.<br /><br />One day, I had to go on a business trip, yes to NYC.<br /><br />I was outside the hotel, and while looking for a cab, I smelled fresh bagels. Coming from the nearby bagel cart.<br /><br /><blockquote>Yumm,</blockquote>I said to myself,<blockquote>but the guy selling the bagels looks like a total sleeze!</blockquote><br /><br />But I was hungry, so I asked him<blockquote>How much?</blockquote><br /><br /><blockquote>Whadda ya want?</blockquote>his reply.<br /><br /><blockquote>Bagel and cream cheese, please, if not too much trouble, sir.</blockquote>I was being as polite as I could, and I knew that he saw me as a rube, from out of town.<br /><br />"Four dollar."<br /><br />OK, I had cash, and I was hungry. So, I let him rip me off.<br /><br />He fixed a nice fresh bagel, and loaded on the cream cheese. I think he threw in a lox too.<br /><br />Then he looks at me and says<blockquote>Beg.</blockquote><br /><br />OK, I knew that the psycho was about to cut me. He had that big ass knife too.<br /><br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Oh shit.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">What now?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">OMG, I'm never going to get to the office either, and they will fire my ass for getting mugged on the street.</span></blockquote><br /><br />Then it got weirder.<br /><br />I saw a cop watching me. Then I knew that I was in the shit.<br /><br />And the cop walked up behind me.<br /><br />And I addressed the bagel man, very politely<blockquote>Sorry to be too much trouble, but did I not pay you enough?</blockquote><br /><br />And he replied, very patiently<blockquote>Do ya vant it in der beg or do ya vant it in der hands?</blockquote><br /><br />So I said<blockquote>A napkin would be fine.</blockquote><br /><br />And I got my bagel, and left.<br /><br />And the cop said to the bagel man<blockquote>Thank heavens I thought you would never get rid of dat schwartzer! I told you last week if you keep selling here, you get too many loonies from out of town!!</blockquote>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-6341995370578043062010-01-26T15:41:00.000-08:002010-01-26T15:44:35.190-08:00Teacher Carrying Weapons Of Math Instruction Detained By TSAA teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.<br /><br />At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.<br /><br /><blockquote>Al-Gebra is a problem for us,</blockquote>the Attorney General said.<br /><br /><blockquote>They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.</blockquote><br /><br /><blockquote>As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'.</blockquote><br /><br />When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said<blockquote>If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.</blockquote><br /><br />White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.<br /><br />It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-50429081595813766962009-11-14T10:35:00.000-08:002009-11-14T10:39:35.799-08:00West Virginia Ghost Story<span style="font-style:italic;">This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the low country of West Virginia - and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, <span style="font-weight:bold;">it's real</span>.</span><br /><br />A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a really dark night in the middle of a thunder storm.<br /><br />Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped.<br /><br />Wanting a ride really bad, the guy jumped in the car and closed the door, only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel.<br /><br />The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running.<br /><br />The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the marsh and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take, and jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town.<br /><br />Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped the bar, and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and was not just some drunk.<br /><br />About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other:<blockquote>Look Bubba, there's that idiot who rode in our car when we were pushing it in the rain.</blockquote>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-86675563473449021942009-11-07T08:50:00.000-08:002011-07-29T19:16:08.881-07:00The First WomanOne time in the garden of Eden, Adam was out hunting for food for the two of them.<br /><br />Adam finally came home late at night. Eve said<blockquote>Adam, where have you been so long?</blockquote><br /><br />Adam said<blockquote>I have been out hunting and gathering food.</blockquote><br /><br />Then Adam said<blockquote>You know, Eve, that you are the only one in Creation.</blockquote><br /><br />That night, after Adam fell asleep, she counted his ribs.Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-34785366929445810742009-11-03T17:27:00.000-08:002011-07-29T19:16:08.883-07:00Excellent TradeLast Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes and says:<br /><br /><blockquote>Nice pigs, sir.</blockquote><br /><br />The President replies<blockquote>These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.</blockquote><br /><br />The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes and says,<br /><br /><blockquote>Excellent trade, sir.</blockquote>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-74055004400603642312009-08-04T10:03:00.000-07:002009-08-04T10:08:03.998-07:00Heavenly BeliefsAl Gore, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama go to heaven,<br /><br />God addresses Al first<blockquote>Al, what do you believe in?</blockquote><br /><br />Al replies<blockquote>Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve my country. And I've come to understand that now.</blockquote><br /><br />God thinks for a second and says<blockquote>Very good. Come and sit at my left.</blockquote><br /><br />God then addresses Bill<blockquote>Bill, what do you believe in?</blockquote><br /><br />Bill replies<blockquote>I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.</blockquote><br /><br />God thinks for a second and says<blockquote>You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.</blockquote><br /><br />Then God addresses Barack<blockquote>Barack, what do you believe in?</blockquote><br /><br />Barack replies<blockquote>I believe that you're in my chair.</blockquote>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-47770503512323762422009-07-24T17:30:00.000-07:002009-07-24T17:37:12.144-07:00Save The President's LifeThe new President was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.<br /><br />Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.<br /><br />The first kid said<blockquote>I want to go to Disneyland!</blockquote>Barak said<blockquote>No problem, I'll take you there on Airforce One. You can have the entire park to yourself for one whole day.</blockquote><br /><br />The second kid said<blockquote>I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.</blockquote><br /><br />Barak said<blockquote>I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them and spend an afternoon playing ball with you!</blockquote><br /><br />The third kid said<blockquote>I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and WiFi LAN!</blockquote><br /><br />Barak was a little perplexed by this and said<blockquote>But you're not handicapped.</blockquote><br /><br />The kid said<blockquote>I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!</blockquote>Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-36547939467146418512009-06-02T21:04:00.000-07:002009-06-02T21:13:08.633-07:00Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? #2<span style="text-align: center; display: block;"><object height="350" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ge4WC23koG0"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ge4WC23koG0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="samedomain" height="350" width="425"></embed></param></object></span><span style="text-align: center; display: block;">»<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/ge4WC23koG0" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/v/ge4WC23koG0</a></span><br /><br />It's not a KK, probably better (in the eyes of the customers there, anyway).Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18055976.post-68034090581038862212009-05-03T18:40:00.000-07:002009-10-02T09:55:54.628-07:00Nectar Of The Gods<span style="text-align: center; display: block;"><object height="350" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/DJVtFpZl7-Y"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/DJVtFpZl7-Y" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="samedomain" height="350" width="425"></embed></param></object></span><span style="text-align: center; display: block;">»<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/DJVtFpZl7-Y" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/v/DJVtFpZl7-Y</a></span><br /><br />What more need be said?Nitecruzrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069634565746003311noreply@blogger.com1